Regina Women

Things you can do to help

Listen - don't judge. Try to understand the survivor's feelings.
Offer shelter. If possible, stay with the person at a comfortable, reassuring place.
Be there and give comfort. The survivor may need to talk a lot or at odd hours at the beginning. Be there as much as you can and encourage the survivor to talk to others.
Encourage the person to seek professional help.
Be patient. Don't try to rush the healing process or "make it better".
Accept the person's choice of what to do about the rape - don't be overly protective. Ask what is needed, help the survivor list some options, then encourage independent decision-making, even if you disagree. It is very important that the survivor make decisions and have them respected.
Put aside your feelings and get support for yourself. It may be too overwhelming to deal with your angry feelings on top of the victim's. If you have strong angry feelings or feelings of blame toward the survivor, talk to a friend or call the crisis line.

Common reactions to sexual assault

Sexual assault is a crisis and we all handle crises in different ways. Though each person and situation in unique, the following list summarizes the range of reactions to sexual assault that may help you know what's normal to expect:

Emotional shock: I felt so numb. Why am I so calm? Why can't I cry?
Disbelief: Did it really happen? Why me? Maybe I just made it up.
Shame: I feel so dirty, like there is something wrong with me. I want to wash my hands or shower all the time.
Guilt: I feel as if it's my fault or I did something to make this happen.
Depression: How am I going to get through this semester? I'm so tired. I feel so helpless. Maybe I'd be better off dead.
Powerlessness: Will I ever feel in control again?
Disorientation: I don't even know what day it is or what class I'm supposed to be in. I can't remember appointments. I keep forgetting.
Triggers: I keep having flashbacks. I'm still re-living it. I see his face all the time.
Denial: It wasn't really a "rape".

What can family and friends do?

Remember - After a sexual assault , the person needs to:

Obtain medical assistance
Feel safe
Know she or he was not at fault
Take control of her or his life