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Domestic violence in
intimate relationships is very widespread. It is the
result of one person trying to maintain power and control over
the other through abusive means. In our unequal society
women tend to be the victims in the majority of cases.
Domestic violence crosses all racial, economic and social lines.
Types of Abuse:
Physical abuse -
- Pushing, shoving,
hitting
- Beating, throwing the
victim down
- Using a weapon
against her
- Restraining, sitting
on her
- Slapping, choking,
pulling hair
- Punching, kicking,
grabbing
Sexual abuse-
- Anger about women in
general
- Views women as sex
objects
- Sexual jokes about
women
- Sexual teasing
- Sees women's role as
only to satisfy men's sexual needs
- Touches victim when
unwanted
- Denies or withholds
sex as a form of manipulation
- Incessant sexual
desire - whether she wants it or not is not important
- Demands sex
- Flaunts his affairs
- Labels victim frigid
or promiscuous or both
- Forces victim into
sexual acts
- Uncomfortable sex -
no sensitivity
- Has sex before, with
or after beating the victim
- Forces victim to be
involved in pornography
- Forces victim to have
sex with another person
- Is sadistic
Emotional abuse-
- Putting victim down
- Making victim fell
bad about themselves
- Calling victim names
- Making her think
she's crazy
- Playing mind games
- Using humiliation
- Making victim feel
guilty
Using isolation-
- Controlling what
victim and others do, who they see and talk to, what they read
and/or where they go
- Limiting their
outside involvement
- Using jealousy to
justify actions
Minimizing/ Denying/
Blaming-
- Making light of the
abuse and not taking their concerns about it seriously
- Saying the abuse did
not happen
- Shifting
responsibility for abusive behaviour
- Saying the victim
caused it
Using Children-
- Using the children to
relay messages
- Using visitations to
harass victim
- Threatening to take
the children away
- using threats,
intimidation and/or force against children
Using Male Privilege-
- Treating her like a
servant
- Making all the big
decisions
- Acting like master of
the castle
- Not letting her know
about or have access to family income
Economic abuse-
- Preventing her from
getting or keeping a job
- Making her ask for
money
- Giving her an
allowance
- Taking or controlling
all the money
- Not letting her know
about or have access to family income
Intimidation, Coercion
and Threats-
- Abusing pets
- Displaying weapons
- Smashing or
destroying things
- Threatening to hurt
victim or others close to her
- making the victim do
illegal things
- making the victim
afraid by using looks, actions or gestures
Common Reactions-
- Disbelief and denial
- this can't be happening to me or it really isn't as bad as all
that
- Guilt - I must have
done something to cause him to do this
- Depression - lack of
interest, no energy, suicidal thoughts
- Low self esteem - I
deserve what has happened to me. I don't deserve to be
happy.
- Resignations and
hopelessness - this must be my lot in life. There is
nothing I can do about this.
- Shock - this can't be
happening to me.
Women's affirmations-
- I have the right not
to be abused
- I am not to blame for
being abused.
- I have the right to
be angry about the abuse.
- I am not the cause of
another person's abusive behaviour.
- I am worth working
for and changing for.
- I have the right to
freedom from fear of abuse.
- I deserve to make my
own life safe and happy.
- I have the right to
request and expect assistance from police or social agencies
- I am not alone - I
can ask others to help me.
- I have the right to
be treated like an adult.
- I am a worthwhile
woman and deserve to be treated with respect.
- I have the right to
express my own thoughts and feelings.
- I have the right to
privacy.
- I do have power over
my own life.
- I can decide for
myself what is best for me.
- I have the right not
to be perfect.
Safety Plan-
- Plan an emergency
exit- what is the safest way to get our of your location.
- Store a travel bag
with someone you trust. You could also establish a code
word with friend, so that they would know to call the
police immediately.
- Keep some money,
spare house and /or car keys credit cards, calling cards, etc.
where you can get to them right away.
- If possible, get your
own bank account and credit cards. arrange to have bank
and financial statements sent to a friend or to a post office
box.
- Locate emergency
numbers and have them where you can access them right away.
Who Can I Call-
- Call 911 for
emergency situations.
- Mobile Crisis -
757-0127
- Transition House
- 569-2292
- Isobel Johnson
Shelter - 525-2141
- WISH Shelter -
543-0493
- Or call us 522-2777
for help and counselling
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